Classes start monday… ugh! I’m so not ready!!! All serious classes! No fun.

MWF-Math 3o, English 102, History 102
T-Biology 101, General Psycholgy
TH-Biology 101, General Psycholgy, Biology Lab

My room mate is AMAZING!!!! Lol. Its what i get for rooming with my Bestie. Hopefully we dont kill each other.

Ian’s here!!!! I’m balancing time between friends and him well so far but we’ll see when school starts.  I feel like i’m ignoring him more than my friends which was a totally opposite of how i was thinking.

Hope this year goes well. Wish me luck?

*_* Angel Aura

Purity means being clean  and free of guilt or evil. Often times purity is seen in a sexual matter, being pure means being a virgin, wearing all white and being used as a sacrifice.  Now i know that’s an extreme view of being pure but sometimes its seen as that. To me, being pure can mean making a mistake and stepping back to change it. Being pure can mean losing ones virginity but changing there ways to become a reborn virgin and save whats left of there purity for marriage. To wash the soil off white clothes, wear them proudly as newly re-whitened and ask God for forgiveness for the mistake you’ve made.  I pray to God for forgiveness for the mistake i have made and deep in my heart i know he accepts it.

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Every time i try to do something right i do it wrong, everytime i get exceited about something good in my life someone gets mad me, everytime i try to help someone out i apparently screw things up worse… do i give up or keep on going?

*_* Angel Aura

So since it’s been 3 months since my last update i thought I’d try to give a brief yet informative one. Lol.

March and April were no big thrill… dealing with girl drama in the door and having to be forced to go to my night econ class. Ugh. I also changed my major in April. I’m now a Business Education major which means i get to teach high schoolers about computers, personal finance, accounting, book keeping… stuff like that. Sorority life got dramatic too since the president hates me and is doing everything in her power to ruin my experience, but with the help of my “big sis” i learned to deal and make them kiss my ass.

May- Getting ready for finals,  Ian’s prom, moving out,  the anni. and Ian’s Graduation

Finals weren’t a huge deal but i freaked out over my math 30 final even though i knew i had to retake the stupid class. Most of my finals were simple and a few professors didn’t give them! that’s always exciting. I did very well in all my classes (minus math) and had a 3.8 gpa! I think i might have done better on my math final if i hasn’t have taken benadyrl before the test (i stepped on a bumble bee Wednesday and had my math final Thursday)

Ian’s prom was amazing. I had a great time with him and i got to sleep next to him that night. We woke up cuddling. It was super cute. Lol. I feel like i should say more about Prom but prom is prom.

Move out has hard. I didn’t realize how much stuff i had in my room… and i cried as me and my sister drove away from Campus because Joplin felt like home… it killed me.

The Anni. was great as well. We spent the whole day together, went to see date movie, out for Chinese food. I was so happy to be with him, knowing he loves me and wants to be with me as much as i want to be with him.

His graduation nearly made me cry, i can’t believe he graduated. It was amazing and all of his family loves me to pieces. I can’t wait for him to be on campus with me!

June-Emotional roller coaster… oh boy, Spend a week with Sarah, my soon to be room mate  and the dreaded summer class.

Summer gives me a lot of time to think, and when i think i come to conclusions, and when i come to conclusions i drive myself nuts because i know i fucked up in my past and i cant change it. Some many things i wish i could take back, wish never happened, wish i said no too… and it kills me. I can’t be a virgin again, i cant take back the times I’ve cheated and what i did and why i did it. I can’t change the way i feel about my ex’s. I can’t stop the pain from rushing back every time i hear “that song”. I struggle not to slice my wrist open, little things Ian does has started bugging me. I have a strong feeling my meds have quit working cause this isn’t just moody-ness. I need help.

Spending time with Sarah was awesome. Getting drunk every night, watching Degrassi all day, going to her towns carnival, seeing another school friend. Seeing “the Hang over”, eating junk food and learning to cook a little bit. We did start driving each other nuts but we’ll be ok in the end.

SUMMER CLASS SUCKS!!! DVD/Internet class… music appreciation… Dr. Carnine… OH LORD! I’m on class 11 of 28 and want it over. I don’t think it would be a bad class if i was in class… but it sucks not having anyone to talk to about the class besides my cat who lays on my lap when I’m taking notes. Lol.

Going to Jeff City Wednesday night to Sunday afternoon with my all girls youth group. IDK if I’m gonna survive it without going to jail for killing some little girl… seriously. LOL.

I think drinking with my antidepressants has messed me up. Who knows…

I’m gonna try to keep this updated cause it’s like my public diary… maybe it’ll help. ^_^

*_* Angel Aura

Ps. My laptop might be back soon!!! The guy called today and asked for my start up password so maybe he’s got it close!!!

It should seriously be against the law to make kids clean over spring break. I wanna sleep all day and be lazy and all that jazz, BUT NO!!!! I have to clean the house. Ugh. I havent even gotten started on my homework i have due after break. I really need to get on that but i’m too busy cleaning!

It’s really hot in my room, which makes cleaning worse.

I quit.

*_* Angel Aura

This aint a fairy tale
I’m not the one you sweep off her feet
lead her up the stair well
this aint Hollywood
this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you
and you let me down…
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
to catch me now”

I know it’s been over a year since me and Tony broke up and I’ve happily been with Ian for nearly 10 months… but i just now think I’m over Tony.

I was driving home from Joplin for Spring break on Thursday night and suddenly i was uncontrollably crying, my body shaking and my eyes blurry. For some dumb reason i started speeding up and screaming. My mind racing of thoughts about how Tony hurt me and caused me so much pain and so much drama. How i think like Tony caused my mental issues and how made all kinds of promises which he never planned to keep. How i stupidly  follow him around like a sad sick puppy and put myself in harms way millions of times over. How he broke my heart to “protect me” but never cared enough to cut off the close ties that held me to him. Never thought that the appeal of being with him again was so over whelming that i was willing to leave Ian just to feel the way i did with him. He mentally threw me around like a ragdoll and played so many mind games that i don’t know if i will ever be ok again.

One year, two months and eleven days later… i think I’m finally over Tony.

I love Ian with all my heart. I seriously don’t think i could live without him anymore. He’s become such a big part of my life that i never wanna lose. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Not even Tony. It scares me to think that I’m 19 and willing to give myself fully to one man forever, but I am.  He bought me a “couples ring” with our names and birthstones on it. I cried when we ordered it together.

It feels like i have a major weight lifted off my chest and i can finally breathe again. I no longer feel lost and confused about what’s going on between me and Tony. We’re only friends… i maybe losing a best friend but at least i have someone who loves me and is willing to take care of me forever.

*_* Angel Aura

Warner Bros. president of production Jeff Robinov hopes a third film will be released in 2011. Nolan is not committed to another sequel, explaining that he does not normally line up projects after completing a film, noting “Is there a story that’s going to keep me emotionally invested for the couple of years that it will take to make another one? That’s the overriding question. On a more superficial level, I have to ask the question: How many good third movies in a franchise can people name?” He added the only reason he would return would be if he found a necessary way to continue the story, but he feared midway through filming another installment he would find it redundant. Nolan had written a rough story outline and made some notes by December 2008, despite his uncertainty in returning for the sequel. Later in December, Alan F. Horn confirmed that while discussions with Nolan about a third film were ongoing, no casting had been done, and Horn categorically denied all such rumors.

Gary Oldman is confident Nolan will return,and Bale said he would return if Nolan did.Oldman hinted in the third film Gordon would have to “hunt down Batman”. He has also speculated that the villain of the upcoming film might be the Riddler. Nolan explained that as long as he is directing, he is not including Robin in the franchise because Bale is still portraying a “young Batman”, which meant “Robin’s not for a few films”. In addition, Nolan considers the Penguin difficult to portray on film, explaining, “There are certain characters that are easier to mesh with the more real take on Batman we’re doing. The Penguin would be tricky.”

Kate Beckinsale has expressed interest in playing Catwoman,while rumors are spreading that Angelina Jolie is reported to be Catwoman. Julie Newmar, who played Catwoman in the Batman series from 1966 to 1967, said “Angelina would own the part.” David Tennant and Brian Austin Green wish to portray the Riddler.^[94][95] Aaron Eckhart had expressed his enthusiasm that he would reprise his role for a sequel if asked, although he later confirmed that, in talks with Nolan before Heath Ledger’s death, the director considers Two-Face to be dead. Michael Caine commented that a studio executive was interested in casting Johnny Depp as the Riddler, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin.Hoffman later denied the rumor.

So it’s like 1:45am… im sitting awake, my legs restless and my mind racing. Its not that i wanna be awake, trust me i wish i was alseep… but my body has gotten so used to college schedual where i slept for maybe 4 hours, went to class then took a nap and was good.

UGH… i wanna be alseep, i wanna be out with my friends, i wanna be doing something besides sitting here!!! I havent left my house since Satutday and my car is “grounded” cause the weather is bad… *screams* i wanna get out of the house… even if it’s just to drive around for a few mins or go get a happy meal from McDonalds. I need to get out!!!

Another thing… i’m use to doing what i want, when i want, no matter the time… BUT NO.. im home with a midnight curfew and it kills me. I got spoiled by not having a mommy and daddy telling me to stay in at 2am when i want pancakes.

Another thing.. i miss my college friends… and my high school friends… but that leads back to not being able to go anywhere. Ugh

So an ex of mine and his girlfriend broke up and i was all kinds of excited cause i didnt like her… but when i talked to them about it they both seemed way too cool about it and that makes me feel awkward because i know break ups suck no matter how long it lasts. So why are they both so ok with it?

Maybe i’m just psycho and over emotional… i think i need more pills, maybe that’ll answer it all. But maybe the pills are what are causeing all this. Take one pill to stop this but it starts this so you take 2 pills to control things but then another thing happens so you just keep going til you’re spending more on pills than you did your your car. Hmmm… i wish i could stop taking my pills but then i’d go crazier.

The orignal point to this rant was i cant sleep… so got way off topic.

*_* Angel Aura

Watch the video, look at the lyrics. Know how i feel.

Hinder – Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Called you up cause’ it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

I was sitting in my room, rewriting some note of mine when i suddenly freaked out and got majorly anixous.

i felt like the room was closing in on my and i could barely breathe… i just wanted to run.

SO i threw on some baggy clothes and went to the SLC to run…

I biked and ran and did leg presses and calf raises and crunches… then my meds kicked in and i was ok-ish again, but as i went to get up from doing crunches i nearly passed out

The room was spinning and i fell to my knees… i could barely breathe again. Luckily no one saw me so i was able to stand up after a min and get out of there.

I walked back to my dorm with weak knees and shaking hands, barely able to make it up the stairs and into my dorm room. I was able to get into my room and get my door shut and make it to my bed before my knees finally gave out. Luckily i was already sitting down or it would have been hard to get onto my bed.

I know i should have just taken my meds and sat outside for a min… but i needed to move… but moving caused me to nearly have more issues if anyone had seen me fall.

I need to get to the doctor but i hate feeling like a drugged up doll like i already do.

*le sigh* i need to find a new way to relax